Day 1 of 21 Standard Process Cleanse

Okay, so first things first...I have a rib out, and I am literally in the most excruciating pain that I have ever experienced...yeah I know I haven't had a kid yet, but either way all you moms need to shut your cake holes. This fucking hurts! Since it hurts like a mofo, I was unable to really cook anything to eat for today. Therefore, I have had two sorta nasty fruit and veggie shakes along with a shit ton of sweet peppers, an avocado, a plum and almost an entire large bag of baby carrots. FML. My hands are like icicles, and I am generally freezing. Can't tell if I'm hungry or not because OF THE PAIN!!!!!! I got adjusted and purchased a rib belt. Now I'm shivering in bed, with the rib belt on, my heating pad on high, along with my heated mattress pad on high. Keep the "you should use ice for acute injuries" to yourself. I would love to stay and chat, but I gotta go look for pain meds or a muscle relaxer like a meth addict who just ran out and without a dick to suck in sight. Peace and hair grease.

I am finally doing it...blame Lindsay and Rachel if it sucks!

So, my friends Lindsay and Rachel pestered me for a bit about doing a video blog (okay, they asked me to twice, but they were kinda annoying when they asked, so it seemed a bit more like actual pestering).  I kept thinking, nobody gives a shit about the drivel that floats around in my noggin, but then I decided to do a 21 day cleanse, and I kept running across other people's blogs about their experiences, and I though that I now at least have a quasi-legitimate excuse to start one...so here we are.

So tomorrow, I'm starting the Standard Process 21 Purification/Detox.  Days 1-10 are noting but fruits and veggies. Day 11 I get to add in some lean protein, which, by the way, does not include juicy, rare ribeyes. I'm sure by day 11, a shitty piece of white meat chicken will look like a fucking awesome ribeye (yeah right!).  Why am I doing this, you ask?  Because it sounded like a good idea...but I think I must have been shit-faced when my friend Krissy talked to me about it. Either way, here I am, on the eve of the cleanse.  On a side note, I am kinda hung over from an awesome girls weekend in Des Moines. And for those of you that will point out that my kidneys and liver are all the detoxification that I need, I think my innards could use a little help after all the crap I put them through...so keep your negative comments to yourselves...unless those comments are hilarious, in which case, feel free to comment.

As this is my inaugural post, I thought I would explain the title. "Ducking Fun" is a saying I made up at work.  Since swearing at work is frowned upon, I can't say "I'm fucking done with Mr. Smith's shit", so I switched it up a bit.  It can be used in many scenarios, but is mostly intended to be used when you are just over whatever crap a patient may be giving you...literally or figuratively!   It honestly may be the most politically correct thing I say at work...healthcare workers, feel free to steal it!

So...if you care to stay tuned to read my mindless drivel, great! If not, that's fine too. Either way, I'm tired, I'm out...like a boner in sweat pants! (That phrase is also up for grabs). Later skaters!